Archive for June 11th, 2009

Fox News In Uproar Over American Ideals (Again)

Posted in Uncategorized on June 11th, 2009 by Alex – 473 Comments

Fox News yesterday released an interesting article, covering a senator who suggests that Obama ordered FBI agents to read detainees their Miranda Rights.

AMURRICA is understandably upset. TERR’ISTS don’t have rights! How can our GOV’MENT torture false information out of them (read: keep us safe) if TERR’ISTS are told they have rights! When (the government decided) you tried to kill good hard-working AMURRICINS, you lost all rights. (Unless it was those dirty illegal immigrants, have at them- bringing swine flu and drug cartels and takin’ our jerbs). Not that you had any rights to begin with, because you’re not AMURRICINS.


In other news, Thomas Jefferson’s ghost was spotted in New York City, curbstomping Rupert Murdoch while reciting the preamble to the Declaration of Independence.

My favorite line is this though:

“Some senators wonder what would have happened if Khaled Sheikh Mohammad, a self-confessed architect of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, had been read his Miranda rights.”

First of all, wikipedia would tag this shit weasel words. “Some senators…” Which senators? Who wonders that? Or is it just your conservative mouthpieces? Even your own party members are trying to distance themselves from you, right-wing nutjobs. Nobody’s asking this question, you’re just trying to incite people to ask the question. Smooth move, Fox, but we’re one step ahead.

Now that we’ve established that nobody actually asked this question, I’m going to answer it anyway. One of two things would have happened.

1. He would have confessed anyway, because he’s that-fucking-proud of it.

2. DoJ investigators would have had to do their job and INVESTIGATE and collect EVIDENCE and shit. You know, their JOB.

Either way, justice would have been served. With the certainty with which they called him “The Mastermind Behind 9/11″, I would hope they had a little more evidence than “But… he said so! He said he planned it!”

In conclusion, Fox News is a pile of increasingly irrelevant shit.